"The nearer the dawn, the darker the night" - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I found this saying on the pack of Mentos Gum. I instantly fell in love with it. Not cause it sounds like the phrase from 'The Dark Knight' lol. I love it cause I actually lived it. I'm actually still living a part of it....... the last part. lol. Allow me to explain.

My life, especially in this past year and a half has had quite a few ups considering it was going nothing but down. Life itself was becoming very dark. Friends whom I've been close to for years started walking away. Some making their own life, others just wanting me in their life. People whom I trusted, despite being hurt so many times in the past, once again proved my paranoia right and stabbed me in the back. Life itself had flipped upside down. I caught a spark of light when this wonderful woman walked into my life. She was a soft glimmer of hope and love. I grew to fall in love with her. Unfortunately, life had its own agenda in trying to break me even further.

This woman who managed to steal my heart with who she was as a person. I learned to call her "perfectly imperfect" for she was the closest thing to perfect in this system as you can get. She was perfect for me. Everyone has problems though and she was no exception. We both had been going through a rough time in our lives. We learned to try and balance each other by help that we needed it. Call it what you will but I still feel that she was my biggest ally and I depended on her so much, with my life even.

Things in one point did take a turn for the worst though. Its like once you think you finally see a way up, something knocks you off your feet and kicks you while you're down. Unfortunately, it happened to the both of us. People I thought could be trusted to be there for me were the ones to speak things behind my back. It hurt me so much but what hurt most was the effect that it had on my life. How one person after another was just pounding against me to the one I loved and cherished most in this world. Things in my life took such a tool and made my world so dark that I couldn't see my hand in front of me. I couldn't hear anything but an echo of anger and doubt all around me.

But, all of a sudden, a spec of light illuminated as a beacon some distance away. I thought it was some kind of Morse code to draw me near. I was too frightened to walk to it cause I couldn't bare anymore pain. But I saw the light getting a little bigger, a little brighter. Then I starting hearing whispers again and I panicked and closed my eyes, covered my ears and wished it all away. But this warm feeling came through me. These warm, soft hands grabbed my hands and pulled on them gently. These watery, worried eyes stared into mine. A tender and heartfelt kiss on the forehead and a heavy hug embraced me. I managed to wipe away my tears enough to take in my surroundings. There in my embrace was my heart, my love...... my everything. and standing on either side of my were two more people. I came to realize they too were embracing me and rubbing my back in reassurance. The echoes stopped and all I heard was the soft, loving words of the one who has cradled me in love.

I have they immense priviledge and honor to be in love with my best friend. She shares my thoughts, my life and most importantly, my heart. Also to either side of me, I have the two best friends that I could ask for. A loyal friend who has been a very wise and loving brother since we met. We might have gone through some things but when push came to shove, we stood strong by each other. I'm forever indebted to him as my brother. On the other hand, I have my sister, my best friend. She's a tough cookie and must always be fabulous, but she's there when I need her. She's there to keep me on the straight and arrow. I shall be indebted to her eternally as well. These 3 people are my team, my family and my life. I love them all dearly and they all have saved me from this dark abyss of life.

So that's why I fell in love with this phrase. I've been in the darkest part of my life but I see the sun coming up. I'm still not out but I will be soon. Thanks to my best friends. I love you guys so much. This one is for you guys. We shall forever be friends, we shall forever love each other, we will forever be family.

Love my baby Christina Luz Diaz
Love my brother Mariano Valle
Love my sister Shaskya Yamille Yapor

-Jes

"Be Careful What You Ask For"

Funny saying cause it embarks more than what a person may want but also what they might cause. Feel me? Let me explain.

Some people go on and on explaining how people should truly be like with their actions and words. Those same people who think things should be spoken out respectfully and adult-like turn around and do some sort of actions to the contrary. Some people may make subliminal messages meant to target certain people then play dumb when they are confronted by it. Others making hurtful jokes at other's expense and yet try to make that person seem all sorts of wrong when something remotely similar in done in return. Some people even take steps to stabbing people indirectly by gossip or some other action and again play dumb about it all. Those people make me laugh cause at the end of it, they are the real jerks whether they want to face the facts or not. It's times like those when you see people's true colors.

So this is where the saying comes in. "Be careful what you ask for" implies people's actions as well. Some preach about family and loyalty yet take actions against it. Why? That's beyond my comprehension. But, by making those actions, you're asking to be alienated. You're asking to be treated like those who you treat. So be careful what you ask for cause you just might get it and you'll have nobody to blame but yourself.

-Jes

"I Don't Care" by Jeremy Passion

"Home Is Where The Heart Is"

Time for another blog. It's been a while but its something that kind of came to me. I'm not making a scientific breakthrough or anything but, its my post and I claim what I write. lol.

ok. I put the title of this blog "Home Is Where The Heart Is" because I found myself wanting and yearning to go home. A thought came to me.... what is it you ask? Stop begging, I'll tell you. How do you find home?

Sure, there is a feature on my GPS that I can push the 'Go Home' button and it'll give me turn by turn directions to get to said place. That's not the point though is it? Of course not. Too many times have I arrived to the destination and still have a whole missing where I'm left hurting in a way I didn't understand. I kept asking what was wrong with myself. It didn't hit me until I was driving one night with some people who are very dear to me. That old saying "Home Is Where The Heart Is" took a new and more purposeful meaning to it. I don't mean to say that I don't have a feeling of home with my parents here. Of course I do but its taken a different role. Now that I'm older, I'm different. As their son, I'll always have a piece of home in them. But, as a man, home means a whole lot more.

Home isn't only where the heart is. Home is where you heart, mind and (if you be it) soul is. Home is not a place rather than a feeling of true safety and trust. Home is a place where you can stand unguarded and not fear harm. Unfortunately, some people don't truly know the freeing feeling to come with having a home. Luckily for me, I've found such a place. I admit it's hard to get to sometimes but when I'm home I enjoy every single moment of it. Where is my home you might ask? Well, that's another blog in itself. All I'll say now is that there is absolutely no place like my home <3

-Jes