New "Old" Obsession

So I've been listening to a song almost non-stop lately. Which song? "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down.

When I first heard about the song, for some reason, I thought the title meant that it was like a "moving on" or "I don't need you" kind of song. I could not be any more wrong.

When I heard the song and listened to the lyrics, its more of a song talking about how much one misses another. It also talks about not letting go of the one you love. I guess that's why I love it so much. The parts that call out to me the most is, I guess its called the bridge. The part that says:

"Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love"

I love it cause I understand and agree with it completely. No matter what life throws your way, love can't be taken away from you. I know through experience that sometimes things can really hit rock bottom but love? It never was taken away from me. It was hard to hold on at times but it prevails. It endures all. I really love this song and if you haven't heard in a while or not at all, listen to it NOW!! It's the song of life. Enjoy it ;-)

-Jes

I Really Don't Mean It

I realized something today. Sometimes I screw up, sometimes I'm screwed. lol. But this isn't my confession. I knew that for a while. Nope. My confession is something that might be a little wierd for some people. Are you ready for it?........ you sure?....... ok then. I'll try and explain it as best I can then.

You know how people have a disagreement? It doesn't necessarily have to be an argument but it can be a difference that affects both people. Well, a lot of couple and friends, well, people in general go through it. Almost all of them, especially between couples and best friends, have something I call the "We're Gonna Be Ok Factor"

Well, I had a few of those. Some come and go but I see that one hasn't changed yet. At least not for me and that makes me smile :-) You see? When people have a disagreement, some people, like me, look for that "factor" to make sure that despite anything, we still love and care for each other. It's something as simple as a poke or something.

I can't lie, its even going on now. I said something kind of stupid today but, though I feel like the only dummy, I know its gonna be ok cause I'm getting that signal through Facebook. Yea. Facebook of all places. lol. Each time I get a poke now I'm smiling cause inside I know that its being sent with that same intention on the other end. *smh* Love has some weird ways to get a point across. lol.

So people, when people bug you about something silly, sometimes its those things that matter most and that you miss most when times are rough. Enjoy it. I know I am. I used to be like -______- really? must you poke me?....... now I'm checking to see if I got any and I'm cheesin' like a dork when I get one. You would think I'm actually getting poked in the stomach and giggling like the Philsbury Doughboy. lol. Anyways, basically, when I say stop poking me. I REALLY DON'T MEAN IT!!!! what I actually mean is, I WANT YOU CLOSER. I NEED YOU!!! so poke me more DAMMIT!! lol :-P

Well, thats my talking to you all that shall are "Semper in Corde Meo".

Stay beautiful people
-Jes

Dark Times With A Bright Light

I once thought that once a part of you dies, its gone forever and that its the most painful thing I had to go through. Sadly its not true. I died a few times already and each time hurt more than the last. I feel broken. I feel....... like a part of me is missing. So much pain and confusion runs through my mind that it makes me buckle to my knees and just....... quit.

But I never gave up. I never surrendered and I shall never do such a thing even down to my last breath. I guess you can say I'm strong willed. I should be a Green Lantern :-) Okay. Maybe not that much but my point is that, I don't know what to do or say right now, I don't even know what I'm feeling. One thing I do know is that there is one thing I want more than anything in the world.

See, I fell in love with the realest and most special person I've ever met. She is beautiful beyond words. She got eyes like I've never seen before. Her smile stops time. Her laugh? Makes my heart smile on its darkest hour. Her voice soothes like the soft ripples of a river. She is also one of the toughest cookies I know. lol. I spent a long time trying to break down any wall she kept up trying to guard her heart but guess what? I made it there anyway and its the warmest place I've ever been. She is very protective of many people and tries so hard to please so many cause her heart is that big. That greatest quality is also her biggest weakness. She's tries so hard but some people take advantage of that. She is strong willed for sure. If she wants something, she'll get it and sometimes people might see her as bossy or over-protective. Some may even say she doesn't like what to be told. You know what I say to that? BS!!!!

I know her. Sure things stress her out and she has to vent sometimes. Who doesn't? But what people don't see is who she is inside and those same people neglect how perfect she is. Let me tell you something, this woman has been through it all. Nobody wants a "perfect" girl. I can't stand women who swear they are God's gift to men cause they look good or they got a lot of men after them. They aren't nothing. This woman that I'm in love with? She's the real deal, she's perfectly imperfect as I say. Her heart is pure in the realest possible way. Sadly, sometimes she underestimates herself but you know what? Thats what I'm here for. I wouldn't hesitate to do anything for her. I would never leave her. I would never stop loving her. I tell her that she has my heart but you know what? That's an understatement. She IS my heart.

So no matter what I'm going through. No matter what I'm feeling. The one thing I know to be true is my undivided and loyal love for her. People want to come in the way of that and we may argue here and there but at the end of the day, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. She is my future. I'm giving her my all and a little more. So basically, no matter who, what, where, when, how or even why.......... I love you baby. FYFM <3

And don't you ever forget it. EVER!!!

"Once You Hit The Bottom There Is No Where To Go But Up"

It's an odd saying but its definitely true. I find that its the phrases that are the most blunt that are the closest to real life. No fairy tale to life. I've been hurt and even broken where I felt the whole world break down on me. I fell in love with the most amazing woman I had ever met. Unfortunately circumstances caused so much stress and strain between us that there was no way to see which way was up. I had to understand that I can't be the hero and change everything, especially things outside of my control. I'm trying my best to be the best that I can be and it took until now for me to let go of everyone else's opinionated comments. Everyone has a point of view and everyone has their opinion to offer but its down to me to make those things true or not. I'm not the only person to be affected by such things. But the following goes to those who are supposedly are my "friends" and yes, those who are my "family"...... KEEP YOUR OPINIONS OF WHAT TO YOU SEE TO YOURSELF!! I tried so hard to explain myself and to help people understand my actions but you nod your heads in sarcasm cause you turn to everyone else and make another claim to me or about me to everyone else. Think thoroughly on all that you have to say and ask yourself: why am I saying this? Is my "advice" in par with my experience? If not, shut the hell up and swallow it. You all have brought me down to the deepest and darkest part of my inner being where I am shattered.

Unfortunately, in my years, I've had too many "friends" like this. They caused me to be very paranoid with everyone I'm with and I'm not letting you make any gesture for what is wrong with me or what I should do. You'll have me killed by your terms. The greatest treasure in my life is my deepest and truest love because she knows me. She understands me. She loves me and doesn't judge. We aren't perfect but we are the closest thing to it. We work. We communicate to a point of insanity that nothing, I mean NOTHING is kept from one another. I have the tremendous honor, matter of fact, I have the biggest blessing of falling in love with my best friend.

I say this clearly now so all may see. I WILL NOT, you all are witness, WILL NOT let the BLESSING SLIP THROUGH MY FINGERS CAUSE OF ANY OF YOUR ACTIONS!! Things were tough and actions were taken for a hope to better things but fact is, I never left I stood here waiting and I'll wait an eternity if I must. I LOVE HER in the deepest, purest and unbreakable way imaginable. She is my true friend, she is my deepest love, she is my Queen.

So this is me saying that I've hit rock bottom and look out cause I'm coming up and there is NO STOPPING ME!!!

I CAN READ!!!!!

ok. So, to be honest, I've never been quiet the reading type. Not in school or anything. I just didn't enjoy it. Leave it to a certain someone *points at Tina* to get me reading. I learned that its not that I didn't like reading. I just didn't like crappy books. My dear friends have advised some reading materials and BAM!! I'm reading like crazy. I even got a Nook now. Right? Amazing. So my thanks to Tina for helping me get in touch with my reader side and thanks to my homeboy Mari for getting me in "The Hunger Games". Haven't heard of it. Highly EPICALLY recommended as a MUST READ like this VERY FLIPPIN' SECOND!!! lol. *deep breath* Sorry. Got a little excited there. That series is that good =D ...... ok ok. Thats it for now but stay tuned for more stuff soon cause like always, you guys are Semper in Corde Meo ;-)

Muahz. Keep reading peoples =D